


Derail the Mind of Me

by Ameera, NoOneKnowsIWriteThis



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Hopeful Ending, M/M, POV Elim Garak, Post-Episode: s02e22 The Wire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 02:36:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11049534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ameera/pseuds/Ameera, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoOneKnowsIWriteThis/pseuds/NoOneKnowsIWriteThis
Summary: Shortly after The Wire, Garak gives into temptation and kisses Doctor Bashir.--Garak had closed the distance between them, pressing his cool lips against Bashir's warmer ones. It had been purely an impulse. A simple thought of “Why not?”. He hadn't even had time to process it before he'd made his move.But his mind did catch up to his actions eventually. It was the moment that Bashir kissed him back.This is wrong, he thought as Bashir leaned somehow closer, his hand at the nape of Garak's neck, deepening the kiss. He's supposed to pull back.





	Derail the Mind of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely inspired by Hozier's song Sedated.

Maybe Garak had had a bit too much to drink. Maybe it had been a particularly trying day. Maybe trying to live without the wire was turning out more difficult than he'd anticipated. Maybe Tain's death in the failed attack on the Founders' homeworld had hit him harder than he'd thought. Maybe he had finally given up hope of returning home to Cardassia.

Or maybe the doctor had been too argumentative, sat too close, his eyes too deep, his neck too exposed, his lips too tempting.

Maybe Garak just needed a distraction.

They'd had dinner in Garak's quarters, which Bashir had insisted on adding to their weekly lunches after learning that the station was cold for Cardassians and getting Garak's quarters set to a more appropriate temperature and lighting. They'd moved to the couch and been debating something that no longer seemed important. Bashir had leaned close, eyelashes fluttering.

Garak had closed the distance between them, pressing his cool lips against Bashir's warmer ones. It had been purely an impulse. A simple thought of “Why not?”. He hadn't even had time to process it before he'd made his move.

But his mind did catch up to his actions eventually. It was the moment that Bashir kissed him back.

_This is wrong,_ he thought as Bashir leaned somehow closer, his hand at the nape of Garak's neck, deepening the kiss. _He's supposed to pull back._

Their mouths opened. Bashir guided Garak to lean back against the couch so that Bashir could move on top of him, pressing their bodies together. _You're not supposed to join in, my dear, you're supposed to tell me why we shouldn't do this._

But Bashir didn't. He kept kissing Garak, tangling their tongues together.

_You're supposed to stop me from ruining you. From ruining this._

Bashir finally pulled back, a nervous smile on his face.

“I wasn't sure you'd ever... I hoped for so long, but I...”

“Doctor...” Garak said unsteadily.

“Please, call me Julian.” The doctor's eyes gazed warmly at Garak.

“Julian,” Garak repeated, testing the name in his mouth. Bashir's whole expression lit up as his given name fell from Garak's lips.

_No, my dear, you're supposed to drag me from my misery, not tempt me to give in._

“May I call you Elim?” Bashir whispered, simultaneously shy and bold. Garak's heart pounded in his chest.

He hesitated, the silence hanging heavy in the room. As more moments passed Bashir's expression started to fade.

“Julian,” Garak said, “you should leave...before we do something we'll regret.” Bashir's face became confused and concerned.

“Garak, I would not regret being with you,” he said firmly.

“My dear doctor,” Garak said, gazing at the lovely vision before him. “I'm not... I'm not in the right frame of mind to make such an important decision.” Bashir pulled back, the beginnings of a pout forming on his face.

“What does that mean?” he huffed.

“Julian, I'm not thinking straight,” Garak murmured desperately. Bashir did pout then, but there was a hint of concern in his eyes.

“So...if you were thinking straight...you wouldn't...” Garak could drown in those eyes.

“I don't know, my dear,” he said apologetically. “I can't... I'm sorry. Everything is...unclear.” Bashir's expression shifted, becoming serious, but concern rose to the forefront.

“Are you...alright?” Garak so desperately wanted to lie in this moment. That should have been easy, to act on his desires and make up a reason to ignore his indecisiveness. But as he looked into those deep, loving eyes, he could only tell the truth.

“No.” He looked down, ashamed at his own weakness. Garak was wringing his hands. Not only was he not going to even get temporary pleasure, he was about to ruin what he did have with the young doctor.

“I see...” Julian thought. The silence that followed was painful, until he put a comforting hand on Garak's knee. “I understand, Garak. Really.”

Against Garak's better judgment, he looked up to read Julian's expression. His stomach turned as he saw the sympathy on the younger man's face. He hated the idea of being looked down at, of being in a position where he deserved either pity or disdain. “Thank you, doctor, but really, it's not necessary that you do.” He swallowed back his anxiety and forced a smile. “It was highly inappropriate of me, you have every right to be incensed.”

“Garak, you hardly forced yourself upon me.” Julian gave a small smile, still so filled with his damned sympathy. “I only hope you can forgive me for taking so much... liberty.” Now the young man was blushing and looking guilty. Garak said nothing. What was there to say? Julian shuffled awkwardly to his feet. “W-well, I should really be going,” he stammered. Garak could only nod as he watched the doctor walk to the door. Julian turned around, chuckling nervously. “Thank you for the...lovely evening, Garak.”

“It really _was_ a lovely evening, Doctor,” Garak replied, smiling sheepishly despite everything. The door opened, but the doctor, stopped in the doorway and turned, smiling hopefully.

“You can still call me Julian.” With that said, the doctor left, but despite his absence, the promise still remained. Garak couldn't repress a small smile.


End file.
